Awkward

Currently I'm sitting at Lifetime Fitness. This place is weird. I've never liked gyms. Ever since 5th grade when we had to start changing in locker rooms gawking at eachother's awkwardness before the daily torture of repetitions importance. Why would you come back to that? And furthermore pay 50$+ a month for it?

Fine - I'm biased. I never played sports, I was overweight in grade school, and at my introduction to anything gym related it was met with resentment and depression. I can't really stand gyms. I don't like the thought of sharing equipment with enthusiastic (and by enthusiastic I mean sweaty) gym goers. As a general rule I don't like sharing much of anything with sweaty people, so why start now?

Because it's healthy... Well, the lack of trained professionals to ensure I'm doing a dead-lift (general rule: I don't like doing things that involve being dead) correctly so I don't ruin myself makes me question the healthy aspect. The fact that there is a balcony with a 20ft drop and about a 5ft railing directly behind the treadmills and stair masters makes me question the health of it all. Most importantly though, the salon, spa, and cafe certainly make me question the health of it all.

I think the mega-gym's popularity stems, like the iphone, from its marketing and not so much its quality.

Kelly the Commander

Alright Rowland... I'm guilty of loving a good throbbing dance hit as much as the next boy, and I'm lovin' the TaTa charms... I'll be sure to check my local Pandora to see if they carry them. But this video... train wreck.

Synopsis - We establish Rowland has a multiple personality disorder and is full of paranoid delusions, but thank goodness the DJ is her bodyguard - something about treble and bass blah blah blah. Now that we're over that psychosis she plays a quick game of patty cake with one of her personalities. Hope there wasn't any whiplash from that ponytail. She then has a vogue off that comes off as something between a weave check at 2:05 and then the rest looks like that peptobismol dance. You remember right? Well if you didn't...

Overall... Not very impressive - Comes off as trying so hard to do what Gaga, Beyonce, Madonna, and Kylie have all done and are doing. Nice try, please don't do it again. Maybe you should stick to wandering around on beaches (train on track).

Kisses and Love
-JS

P.S. Stop with the gas masks.

Small Package

Recently I've begun a most fantastic collaboration with Bread Oven here in Omaha (by complete accident! more on that in a bit). Bread Oven for the past 2 years now has been providing Omaha with some of the most fantastic Frenchy food stuffs we could ever possibly want and we have to give due credit to the maître de cuisine, Vicki Swartz! Big surprises come in small packages and the lovely Swartz is no exception. 

Nearly just a week ago, upon loosing my keys to Château Stätz, I wandered aimlessly blowing up the phones of friends I had recently visited, coworkers I had been near, when I found myself standing in front of Bread Oven craving a croissant like I had had years prior in Paris (where I also lost my room key).

Upon my stressful situation I felt fully justified on my carb-a-holic indulgence. Vicki - frantic + composed all at the same time - catering away, dealing with people like myself (having a carb melt-down), waved to me and I began my anxious wait in a short line. Anxiety being the way it is, I changed my mind a million times in 2 minutes. I finally select the prosciutto sandwich... 3 hours later I have three dirty plates, 2 dirty demitasse and a new best friend. 


A few short and snowy days later Swartz and Statz discuss the Visiting Nurse's Associations' Art + Soup show - a fabulous charity event showcasing local artists and local chefs; the former selling their wears to patrons and the public, the later competing for the title of Best Soup and more importantly - best presentation... thus a collaboration is born. Georgia Peach Soup meets Southern Decadence in the most fabulous table the VNA has ever seen. First place in table decor goes to Bread Oven: Swartz & Statz.

Oh! and I found my keys to my place. They were in that tiny annoying fifth pocket in my new carbon skinny jeans - like I said earlier, small packages - big surprises.

Come and get it!

A poet's hope: to be,
like some valley cheese,
local, but prized elsewhere.

    -W.H. Auden

Before you could call a directory to indirectly order bouquets, before you could sit at your computer and order bouquets for delivery, people came to shops and got the expertise of florists. With the shift towards florists directories, that is no longer the case. They break down the need of the customer to ask questions and make the florist unable to give answers.  

If customers can't come out and ask, they shan’t receive what they want. Expecting without asking is crackers... without cheese.

Take our shop for example: average customer with the I-want-more-for-less mindset stumbles upon the get-out-of-the-dog-house-for-less directory. He places through the magical discount call center in the sky and his order for a bouquet marked on my site for 50$ is bequeathed to me for a measly 30$. He, as he only could, will believe he will get this 50$ bouquet for only 30$. He isn’t going to be happy or my design and delivery fee will have to be transformed into a donation towards the sanctity of salvaging coupledom.

As much as I want to believe that the phone florists have the best of intentions, I can't help but feel they're getting the better of us. The addition of the middleman cuts out the florists ability to manage expectations. The menu says Cabot but they’re serving Velveeta because the menu is marked by a misguided middleman and not a Monsieur Herve Mons. In the end, everybody is going to be disappointed.

Unless the customer calls directly. 

If you give cause to circumvent the ability to communicate directly and manage the expectations of the customer, you can't hope to be prized by them as something local and prized elsewhere too.

Salutations!

Introductions are a necessity.

Salutations! I am Jordan Statz, "Joordan-the-Great!" according to some and "Glitter-breath" according to others (What? Can you blame me for liking shiny things? I know you probably do too...). I - the floral designer & epicurean curiosity - have ideated over this endeavor (and admittedly procrastinated, dilly-dallied, etc), but have finally begun it.

Florui + pabula is dedicated to all things flower and all things food. I was fortunate enough to have spent two years as a culinary TA and have been blessed to have spent the past 5 years playing as a floral designer here in Omaha, Nebraska (and very soon in NYC!). Flowers and food have consumed me as my passions and I can't wait to start sharing my passions with you. Stay posted...

-JS

"Bare in mind that you should conduct yourself in life as at a feast"
-Epictetus